Posts Tagged ‘singleness’

I know I’ve talked about this before, but, dudes, TIME IS WEIRD! I stand by the claim that time gets weirder the older you become. One thing I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to do is go through my old journals. I’ve been steadily journaling since probably freshman year of high school. In the moment, I use it as an outlet, but in the back of my head, I know that it’s really for future-me to come back to. Sometimes I cringe at what I seemed like and acted like and sometimes I’m blown away by revelations I had and wrote about. But it’s really nice to have something tangible that I can visit over and over again and say, “this is me, this is how I became who I am right now.” One thing that really strikes me when I delve into these journals is my evolving idea of romantic love. As a senior in high school, I clearly thought love was like what I saw in movies. I talked a lot about a guy putting his arm around me at a football game or how I was FEELING or how a certain song would always remind me of a certain crush or how I was ABSOLUTELY SURE I WOULD MARRY PRINCE WILLIAM. Okay so that last one was from the journal entry I wrote yesterday. Now, when I think about romantic love, I long for companionship, to discuss life’s complex issues, most of all, I long to laugh until I can’t breathe and my sides hurt and tears are streaming down my face. Maybe, in ten years, I’ll see romantic love as my husband putting the kids to bed and rubbing my feet, who knows!
I recently read Leslie Ludy’s book, “Sacred Singleness” (yes, I’m the girl who reads books on singleness, but judge ye not because YOU ARE READING MY BLOG AND YOU LIKE IT! Feel free to call me Bridget Jones) and I really loved a conversation she describes her single sister-in-law having. Someone asked the SIL if she felt she was called to be single, and her answer was “today I am.” That phrase has been echoing in my head since I read it. For some reason, the place that I’m most ashamed of being single is in my church. I feel like getting married gives you something to show for your life, like a sort of badge of worthiness, especially in a church where marriage has always been emphasized by my peers. But no more! The logical me knows I have plenty to show for my life, and knows that the only One who really matters cares only that what I have to show is love. He is calling me to love, everyone and everything. Because honestly? If I don’t love, who cares if I’m married or not? But let me tell you, I’m sooo excited that I’m called to LOVE and serve Him as a single! So yes, TODAY I am called to be single, and I will do my best to do it justice, be focused on the cares of the Lord and LOVE others.
Yes, I still dream of getting married and He knows that. I do my best to sacrifice my dreams to Him, because if He doesn’t have a hold of them, then I want nothing to do with them. I love this quote from Oswald Chambers and I feel like it was written for me:
“If our hopes seem to be experiencing disappointment right now, it simply means that they are being purified. Every hope or dream of the human mind will be fulfilled if it is noble and of God.”

Anyhoo, what I meant for this post to be about was that time again has tricked my mind as it’s been almost a year since I started my nursing program! My hope of being a nurse is being realized for the Lord is good, and He has carried me through!

LOVE!

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And it’s been a week

I should be doing a lot of things right now, none of which involve blogging and/or the internet. I can’t believe my little brother is getting married on Saturday. Yesterday he was 6 years old I swear! But it’s exciting and our first “guests” (aka family) get in today! My aunt, cousin and her two little boys get in tonight and I can’t wait to see them. I’ve only seen the younger one once and that was 2 Christmases ago.

I’ve been having strange dreams lately and I don’t much enjoy them. Subconscious, did you or did you not receive that note I left you, you know the one where I outline what was dream-appropriate? Last night or this morning, I dreamt that some kids made me knock into a stand-thing at a German bakery in KC (?) and I had to pay for the candy that landed on the floor. The total turned out to be $85!!! What kind of crazy candy was that? Thankfully the kids’ mom paid for it. Thanks lady! I really don’t have $85 to burn on German candy. Unless that candy happens to be Kinder Eggs.

Mom and I saw “Mama Mia” last night and I really liked it, much to my own surprise. I mean, it’s a musical, so it’s almost a shoe-in but it was really funny. A lot of times movies leave me dissatisfied with my own life, which, I realize, is quite ridiculous. I think a lot of people, especially girls, deal with these same feelings though. Somehow we come to believe that movies are what our lives should look like. Mostly it’s the romance, who doesn’t want Mr. Darcy to come make declarations of love and adoration to them? So “Mama Mia” is a bit of a romance, though not typical. The whole time though I was watching I was thoroughly enjoying the relationships in the movie, the girlfriends both young and old. And I’d like to think that I’ve reached the point in my life where I am focused on my friendships and other non-romantic relationships, not that there is any romance to distract me! Seriously, I haven’t thought about guys in so long and it’s refreshing! There was a time in my life (it’s called being a teenage girl) where I never for a SECOND forgot about how I was disdainfully single. Then there was college where I felt like a second-class citizen because I hadn’t found THE ONE yet. It’s nice to not be wasting YEARS of my life worrying about that, thinking about who my future husband is. Now I’m making plans that don’t include him, and I quite like it. I’m wishing I wouldn’t meet him until I’m 30 because then I’ll be able to do everything I want, including travel nursing! This isn’t to say that I will stick to the plan come hell or high water, I’m just not counting on meeting someone soon, I’m not putting my life on hold until I get married. I’m almost 25 and blessedly single!

I know it seems like I bring up the single stuff a lot, but I feel it’s hard out there for God-loving girls who are single past the age of 22!

Okay now I must tend to those ever-important non-internet involved tasks.

LOVE!

Tree etchings in Hyde Park (in the background is the Anzac War Memorial)

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