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Struggling

16th June
2010
written by Mandy

One thing I’ve ALWAYS struggled with is assertiveness. Jesus set an example by laying his life down, but he ALSO threw over a couple tables in the temple, so I always wonder when it’s appropriate to sacrifice my pride and when (or if) it’s ever okay to start flipping tables (metaphorically speaking). AND Sunday’s message at church was about revenge, as we were covering the Sermon on the Mount and the passage which talks about “turning the other cheek.” (Matthew 5:38-42). Our pastor spoke about the verse in this passage where Jesus says (paraphrased), “If someone forces you to walk a mile, go with him two.” He explained to us about how Roman soldier could pick anyone to carry their 60-pound packs but the law was they could only make them carry it one mile. Anyhoo, the whole gist was that if men volunteered to carry the pack another mile, of their own volition, it would shame the soldiers for using them. And then our pastor said something that I’ve always wondered; “Jesus isn’t saying you should be a doormat.”
I have people in my life who seem like they no longer want to be around me. It’s not black and white, but their lack of enthusiasm seems like a pretty clear indicator to me. And I have trouble letting friendships go and so I feel I keep setting myself up as I continue to solicit their companionship only to be answered with an “ehhh.” Also, being a total-unabashed-”people-person” doesn’t help, because if I could, I’d be with people, with others, 24 hours a day (ask me if I feel the same after pulling 12-hour shifts around people all day, ha).
My question is, should I continue to work on these relationships and sacrifice my pride, is that what Jesus would do, what He calls me to do? Or is this the time to let it go, to just “get” that I am not a priority to them and go on? And I pray about this, and I’m not looking for you all to be my Holy Spirit and conscience, I just wonder how other people handle these things. Even though our pastor said we weren’t called to be doormats, I still wonder where the line is, when are we called to “shame” people like the Jews were told by Jesus to do to the Roman soldiers? When we’re oppressed?
And, lastly, I CANNOT BELIEVE anyone dislikes me or doesn’t have me as their number 1 priority. I mean, COME ON! ha!

LOVE!

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Tags: , ,
everyday, faith

1 Comment

  1. Kate
    04/07/2010

    Sorry, I’m late late late reading and doing my catchings up. But I figure a superlate comment is better than none at all.

    First, I only know you on the internets and I must tell you that if you lived nearby, we would totally be friends and you would be a priority. You strike me as spectacularly awesome in many ways, and if you’re anything like your spectacularly awesome cousin (and somehow I have a feeling you guys have a thing or two in common), you are a positively splendid human being.

    (*moment of internet self consciousness* Is it weird that I just told you how cool I think you are even though we’ve never met? I still feel odd singing your praises since we’ve not met conventionally, but I think reading your blog and knowing C and hearing her talk about you has been informational enough for me to make a fairly sound judgment on your awesomeness.)

    …I digress.

    As a military kid, I’ve had the same friend struggles. I finally came to accept the fact that some friendships are only meant to serve us actively for a shorter period of time. Some last just one duty station or one school year or one sports season. But others transcend distance or life circumstances, and those are the ones worth fighting for. I was in a situation a few months ago where I felt like one of these special friends (not *special* friends…you understand what I mean) was neglecting our friendship. I must note that I HATEHATEHATE confrontation, and I would do just about anything to avoid bringing up something painful and dramatic. But I prayed and prayed and even praved, and I kept coming back to the conclusion that I had a responsibility in this friendship, too - I needed to say something about how I was feeling. I did, and our conversation wasn’t nearly as painful as I’d expected. It was such a weight off my chest when I finally got the guts to do it.

    The best friendships are like relationships in the movies - they’re worth fighting for and stopping a flight and standing in the rain and yelling up at someone’s window (pardon me while I have a Ewan McGregor in Great Expectations moment…..okay, I’m back). If you feel like these friendships are the kind worth keeping forever, stand in the rain and yell at the windows. Even if you don’t feel like it’s a forever thing, I think you should somehow resolve your feelings if they won’t go away.

    Okay, now that I’ve written an entire blog here, I shall bid you adieu and tell you one more time that you’re awesome. Except now people should refer to you as Nurse Awesome.