faith

I passed the evil NCLEX and am now licensed to practice nursing in the state of Missouri!! Thank you for all of your prayers and support! It’s only through God’s grace that I made it through. I will write more later!

LOVE!!

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One thing I’ve ALWAYS struggled with is assertiveness. Jesus set an example by laying his life down, but he ALSO threw over a couple tables in the temple, so I always wonder when it’s appropriate to sacrifice my pride and when (or if) it’s ever okay to start flipping tables (metaphorically speaking). AND Sunday’s message at church was about revenge, as we were covering the Sermon on the Mount and the passage which talks about “turning the other cheek.” (Matthew 5:38-42). Our pastor spoke about the verse in this passage where Jesus says (paraphrased), “If someone forces you to walk a mile, go with him two.” He explained to us about how Roman soldier could pick anyone to carry their 60-pound packs but the law was they could only make them carry it one mile. Anyhoo, the whole gist was that if men volunteered to carry the pack another mile, of their own volition, it would shame the soldiers for using them. And then our pastor said something that I’ve always wondered; “Jesus isn’t saying you should be a doormat.”
I have people in my life who seem like they no longer want to be around me. It’s not black and white, but their lack of enthusiasm seems like a pretty clear indicator to me. And I have trouble letting friendships go and so I feel I keep setting myself up as I continue to solicit their companionship only to be answered with an “ehhh.” Also, being a total-unabashed-”people-person” doesn’t help, because if I could, I’d be with people, with others, 24 hours a day (ask me if I feel the same after pulling 12-hour shifts around people all day, ha).
My question is, should I continue to work on these relationships and sacrifice my pride, is that what Jesus would do, what He calls me to do? Or is this the time to let it go, to just “get” that I am not a priority to them and go on? And I pray about this, and I’m not looking for you all to be my Holy Spirit and conscience, I just wonder how other people handle these things. Even though our pastor said we weren’t called to be doormats, I still wonder where the line is, when are we called to “shame” people like the Jews were told by Jesus to do to the Roman soldiers? When we’re oppressed?
And, lastly, I CANNOT BELIEVE anyone dislikes me or doesn’t have me as their number 1 priority. I mean, COME ON! ha!

LOVE!

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Hey yall!
Just your favorite graduate nurse here. Not quite RN yet, gotta get my license first. Which is why I’m blogging, I’m avoiding studying for the NCLEX. Or taking a break, yeah, it’s more of a break. Well I’ve graduated. Again. It’s still surreal at this point, don’t know when it’ll hit me. Maybe when I can STOP STUDYING.
It’s a little odd to be thinking that I’ll be a typical grown-up within the month. Going to work, making money (PRAISE THE LORD!), catching up with friends when I can, etc. I mean, I’ve never really done the “typical” thing or taken the “typical” road. I mean, even just looking back to my undergrad years. Went to school out of state at a college where I voluntarily signed a covenant that I would not drink or have premarital sex (among other things). Then I upped and moved to DC to live with strangers and help raise their children. Also, got a job at Starbucks to pay for a trip to Australia. Then back home to voluntarily give up my sanity for a year. And now, here I am, on the brink of “typical adult land”. And you know what? I COULD NOT BE MORE EXCITED! I mean, I knew the Lord had good things planned, when does He not? But this past weekend, talking with Cecilia, I just got so excited because there are really so many opportunities. This job and life will give me countless chances to love people, whether during my shifts, or mission trips I can afford to go on now or spoiling my family and friends in a small effort to repay them for what they’ve done for me the past year (and past 26 years).
He is so good!

Thank you Lord for carrying me through this past year. Honestly, I know I couldn’t have done it without the hope I have in You.

Mom and dad, thank you for the financial support, safe place to live, sleep and study, for the endless prayers you prayed over me and, most importantly, the food you fed me. No really, most importantly, thank you for your unconditional love, which I know I tested the limits of this past year. You’ve shown me what it is to be the hands and feet of Christ!

Alex and Kaitlyn, thank you for the stethoscope, countless dinners out and amazing support you offered. I know that I was grumpy and demanding, but you always met that with love! You always seemed to know when and what I needed, whether it be a loving text on a Monday morning or a movie with popcorn, peanut butter m&ms and a Snapple.
I had to put this picture up because it is just so “us”. Alex looks goofy and I look slightly confused, but in a happy way!

Cecilia, I hope I never know what it is like to live without you for a year, but you dealt with this past year swimmingly (YES, swimmingly!). You never complained when I didn’t have time to talk or couldn’t come see you, but instead continually offered support, even when you were going through your own pain. I hope that someday I can show you what a marvelous friend you are.

Kelly, you were an amazing example of Jesus’ love for his people through service. You’ve definitely shown me love through acts of service and I am so very grateful. Again, I’ll never be able to repay you, but I know you wouldn’t want me to anyway. And somehow I don’t have a picture with you We’ll have to reenact the party or the pinning or something!

Julie, you pulled me through this with you! If it wasn’t for your constant encouragement, jokes and musical references, I’d have been A LOT more inclined to quit throughout the program. I saw sooo many instances where God used you because you were willing to be a vessel for Him. Thank you for your love for Him and for me. And don’t you dare think you are rid of me now! And I need a picture of you and me too!
I love you all!

LOVE!

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I know I’ve talked about this before, but, dudes, TIME IS WEIRD! I stand by the claim that time gets weirder the older you become. One thing I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to do is go through my old journals. I’ve been steadily journaling since probably freshman year of high school. In the moment, I use it as an outlet, but in the back of my head, I know that it’s really for future-me to come back to. Sometimes I cringe at what I seemed like and acted like and sometimes I’m blown away by revelations I had and wrote about. But it’s really nice to have something tangible that I can visit over and over again and say, “this is me, this is how I became who I am right now.” One thing that really strikes me when I delve into these journals is my evolving idea of romantic love. As a senior in high school, I clearly thought love was like what I saw in movies. I talked a lot about a guy putting his arm around me at a football game or how I was FEELING or how a certain song would always remind me of a certain crush or how I was ABSOLUTELY SURE I WOULD MARRY PRINCE WILLIAM. Okay so that last one was from the journal entry I wrote yesterday. Now, when I think about romantic love, I long for companionship, to discuss life’s complex issues, most of all, I long to laugh until I can’t breathe and my sides hurt and tears are streaming down my face. Maybe, in ten years, I’ll see romantic love as my husband putting the kids to bed and rubbing my feet, who knows!
I recently read Leslie Ludy’s book, “Sacred Singleness” (yes, I’m the girl who reads books on singleness, but judge ye not because YOU ARE READING MY BLOG AND YOU LIKE IT! Feel free to call me Bridget Jones) and I really loved a conversation she describes her single sister-in-law having. Someone asked the SIL if she felt she was called to be single, and her answer was “today I am.” That phrase has been echoing in my head since I read it. For some reason, the place that I’m most ashamed of being single is in my church. I feel like getting married gives you something to show for your life, like a sort of badge of worthiness, especially in a church where marriage has always been emphasized by my peers. But no more! The logical me knows I have plenty to show for my life, and knows that the only One who really matters cares only that what I have to show is love. He is calling me to love, everyone and everything. Because honestly? If I don’t love, who cares if I’m married or not? But let me tell you, I’m sooo excited that I’m called to LOVE and serve Him as a single! So yes, TODAY I am called to be single, and I will do my best to do it justice, be focused on the cares of the Lord and LOVE others.
Yes, I still dream of getting married and He knows that. I do my best to sacrifice my dreams to Him, because if He doesn’t have a hold of them, then I want nothing to do with them. I love this quote from Oswald Chambers and I feel like it was written for me:
“If our hopes seem to be experiencing disappointment right now, it simply means that they are being purified. Every hope or dream of the human mind will be fulfilled if it is noble and of God.”

Anyhoo, what I meant for this post to be about was that time again has tricked my mind as it’s been almost a year since I started my nursing program! My hope of being a nurse is being realized for the Lord is good, and He has carried me through!

LOVE!

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Okay everybody, don’t be all shocked when you reread all of this in a chapter of the book I write with Cecilia.
Saturday night mom, dad and I are hanging out, watching tv and whatnot. I was feeling pretty accomplished because I had successfully installed a digital thermostat. I was contemplating all the energy and money we’d save because I have SKILLZ, yo! Dad comes up from the basement and says, “Do you guys smell gas?” As soon as he finished the sentence both of us were hit with a wave of a unlit-gas-burner smell, so we KNEW this wasn’t the beginning of a joke about flatulence, this was SERIOUS. Mom says, “I think we should call 911.” So I call and they tell us to close all the doors and windows and get out of the house. We oblige. Let me paint you a lil picture. I am outside in work-out paints tucked into wellies, with my Georgetown (go Hoyas!) sweatshirt on, my winter coat (thanks Alex and Kaitlyn!) and Dad’s new rain jacket on top with a knit hat on. I looked like a hobo. I was shaking, either from the adrenaline or the cold, or both. Two cop cars pull up, a fireman arrives in his truck (not firetruck, just truck). The fireman knows my dad, so they shoot the breeze until mom says, “Our house smells like gas, could you guys please chat later?” They go inside and find that we have twice the normal amount of carbon monoxide in our house. I, by now, have a wicked headache. The real firetruck arrives and a firefighter asks us what happened and if I want to be checked out. I agree to let them take vitals, they call the paramedics. My blood pressure is 138/80 (usually is 110/70) and my pupils are sluggish in response to light (normally your pupils respond “briskly”). The paramedics have a handy-dandy C.O. monitor and check me out, I have no CO poisening, yay! I’m assuming the headache was from the cold and high blood pressure. All of us check out okay with no signs of poisening. We waited for them to let us back in the house, after the CO levels were back to “normal”. We were told the CO came from the furnace and to leave it off all night and leave our windows cracked. Yes, we do have a CO detector but had it unplugged. Yes, we are THOSE people who you see on 20/20, who are found unconscious because they unplugged their detectors! Which reminds me, GET CO DETECTORS! There should be one on every level of your house and you need to replace the batteries in your smoke alarms too (apparently that’s a daylight savings’ deal)!! My favorte thing was afterwards, when talking to a dear friend, her mom asks in the background, “were any of the firefighters cute?” This is my life. And I’m REALLY thankful for it.
You know, carbon monoxide usually doesn’t smell. Now isn’t THAT interesting?
The next morning I woke up, packed (we are visiting Oma this week) ate a banana and took my multivitamin and promptly got sick. I think that the banana + multivitamin combo is not so much fun for the stomach because, believe it or not, this has happened before. I was fine afterwards and we proceeded on vacation. Just add it to the list of crazy things that happen to our family.

LOVE!

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I SHOULD be doing something else…like, oh, say STUDYING for my critical care final. But I wanted to say hi. So, hi.
God is doing SO much in my life and in the lives of those around me and I’m SO excited. I’m pretty fired up, haven’t felt this way since high school, which is sad. I’m really praying and thinking about ways I can serve others once I’ve graduated. I really want to get into Habitat for Humanity, maybe volunteer at a clinic that serves the poor and maybe some international work. I know it sounds like I’m getting WAY ahead of myself, but I am praying about these things and trying to be smart. I just want to keep up the enthusiasm and think I’ve wasted enough time focusing on myself. I know there is A REASON why I am becoming a nurse, and I don’t want to waste this calling. There is nothing in the world like serving God and the people He loves, I want to do it ALL the time!
Okay back to studying!

LOVE!

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Okay I’ve never been one to post lyrics on my blog. And by “never” I mean less than 5 times (I think) since the blog’s inception.
But I just can’t get this song out of my head and, honestly, I don’t want to. Somedays on the way to or from school, I will listen to it 5 times in a row.
I feel that the theme of “beauty from ashes” is one that has always resonated with me. To know that God takes my dirtiest, ugliest places and makes them beautiful and clean, well, it’s humbling and exhiliarating.
So I will leave you with two lines and encourage you to find this song and listen to it.

“But you called me beautiful
when you saw my shame”

Nichole Nordeman

LOVE!

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Hey guys,
Sorry for the dry spells, it’s been quite busy ’round these here parts. As I mentioned before my BFF Cecilia was here two weekends ago. There was much fun had by all, as expected. It does my soul GOOD to have that girl around. Love you!
Anyhoo, after she left (NOOOO) I interviewed at Liberty Hospital for a job. Now you may remember that I have a scholarship/job agreement with LH, so you could say it was a foregone conclusion that I obtain gainful employment there after graduation. Still there is interviewing, resumes, applications, and all of the lovely details involved with getting a job. I interviewed with 4 nurse managers and the next day learned I got a job! I really hit it off with the nurse manager I will be working for and I’m QUITE excited. It’s nice to know I already like my boss!

Secondly God has been teaching me SO much. Our pastor has been preaching on the Beatitudes and it’s amazing! Last weekend was “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” Our pastor talked about how the symbol for the church has become the smiley face, instead of the cross. He mentioned how Christians believe they should be happy all the time, but we don’t have to be. There are times when we will mourn, and we are no less testifying to the cause of Christ when we do this. It made me start thinking about being single (I KNOW, THIS TOPIC AGAIN!!!) and how I am operating under the assumption that I am supposed to be THRILLED about BEING SINGLE! all the time. But, pshhh, PULEASE, I am not thrilled about it 24/7. Honestly, sometimes I mourn my singlehood. Most of the time I love it, I love that I only have to get health insurance coverage for one, that I will eventually be able to buy myself a car with my own money, and that I can go out dancin’ with my girl in DC whenever I want (or have the time and money to fly out there)! But there is nothing wrong with mourning being single. And, once I am not single, I am sure there will be times when I”ll be ABSOLUTELY giddy about marriage and my husband. I am sure there will be times when I’ll be wondering why I EVER didn’t like being single, when I’m getting up every two hours to feed my baby or my husband left the seat up for the ZILLIONTH time. The important thing is that I praise God for every second of my life, whether I’m mourning or dancing! He is my Hope!

Shall I rename the blog “fluent sarcasm with a bit of proselytizaiton?”

LOVE!

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Or “rule” really. That rule being that I don’t post until someone has commented on my last post. But, people, it’s NEW YEAR’S EVE and everyone knows this gives you a free pass to get straight up crazy (straight up crazy? Is that an oxymoron?)!! I’m definitely feeling the need for catharsis via “let’s recap 2009 as well as the last decade” on my lovely blog!
First and craziest, I cannot believe I am old enough to remember the last DECADE and remember it well at that. I can probably remember the last two decades actually. EEK! As I tweeted earlier, 10 years ago today I was doing the exact same thing I am doing right now. Hanging out on Sanibel, wishing for something exciting to do with anyone under the age of 40 (no offense dad, mom and Gramps), drinking WAY too much sparkling grape juice, and most likely spending inordinate amounts of time on the Nokia cell phone I got for Christmas. I was a sophomore in high school, probably wondering why NO one “gets me” and desperately wishing for a boyfriend. Oh 16, what a beautiful age. Anywho, let’s move onto the nitty-gritty.

Top 10s of the last decade (in no particular order):
1. Graduating high school
2. Two trips to Europe
3. Trip to Australia
4. Trip to NYC (and seeing Wicked!)
5. My four blessed years at John Brown, where I met some pretty awesome people
6. Living in DC and near C for a year and half (DC is forever changed!)
7. Personal growth. Now before you start moaning about the cliche and throw your old self-help books at me, listen! It’s true. Honestly, sometimes I think about who I was 10 years ago, 7 years ago and last year and I am SO embarassed at things I did or said. I can’t claim any of this growth, however, it’s all by God’s merciful and kind hand!
8. Getting accepted into nursing school. Though in the midst of it I easily forget, God made a way for me, He opened so many doors for this and I’m really thankful and excited!
9. The safety and good health of my family. The past decade has really taught me to NEVER, EVER take these two precious things for granted. Each day is a gift! As is each kidney!
10. Knowing that my Lord has never forsaken nor left my side. His goodness never ends!!

Okay, I intended to do a “Top 10 of 2009″ but I’m all out of ideas! How about top 10 pictures? Yes?

Okay, started the year here. Love this photo because this is what I imagine God’s love is, rays of sunshine falling on us.

Love this. That’s it.

My hometown, Kansas City.

Backyard wonderland.

My best lil guy, well within 60 miles. I have some best guys in Colorado too, just don’t get to see them or photograph them very often! I’ve loved getting to be a part of his precious life and family!

My BEST GIRL! Well, my best furry, four-legged girl! haha. Paisley has been such a blessing and a great addition to our family! I love her dearly.

Speaking of furry best friends! Denali has been a great addition to this family too! I took a really good picture of him but I feel this one adequately puts together what D means to us and Alex.

KELLY CAME HOME! YAYAYAY! And here she is at my birthday celebration! Joy!

I flew to surprise C in DC. “Awesomeness” sums it up. I love that you can tell how excited we still are when this photo was taken!

My family. Laughing. Doesn’t get much better than this.

Okay. That took longer than I thought. I should be moseying to bed as I’m getting up at 6 (6!!) to start the drive home tomorrow. I’m purposely ignoring how depressing this could potentially be because! look up! God has blessed me beyond belief!

Happy New Year!
LOVE!

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I know, I know, yall were probably thinking, “Mandy’s going on vacation, I bet she updates practically EVERY day.” Well JOKE’S ON YOU! haha. Well, technically I’ve only had two days of vacation, as I was driving the first three days. So, here I am, writing on the second day, and that ain’t bad, so be thankful for WHAT YOU GET! I’m so full of Christmas cheer! Thus all the CAPITAL LETTERS.
As for the driving, it was LOOOONG, and I swear Atlanta drivers are trying to kill me. I also found that’s it not so easy to find (clean) hotels that accomodate pets. Another highlight of the trip was when I woke up one night and SWORE Jesus was in our room. Before you go believing I’m super holy, so much so that I am having a sacred vision, please know that I’m crazy in the middle of the night. C-R-A-Z-Y. So yeah, that was interesting. Turns out it was just the lamp shade. Make of that what you will.
The last two days actually on the island have been amazing. Paisley is such a water puppy! Which means she is truly with the right family, as we are all “water babies”.

Today I (drumroll please) got a massage. It was life-changing. MMMM. I’m hoping to get another next week!
Ended the day with my best girl (dog) watching the sun set.

Then dinner at Lazy Flamingo with strangers.

Hope your holidays are lovely!

LOVE!

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