Fluent Sarcasm

I’m going to start with NOT apologizing for my lack of posts. Life has happened in the last couple months and I haven’t blogged. The time I’ve had that I could have spent blogging, I just couldn’t think of what to say.

November 20th my Aunt Amy passed away. We knew for 18 days that she was sick. Fatally sick. I was able to spend her last days with her. So much went on that I can’t even put into words. The good news is the Lord was there, as He always is. He is faithful. He gives and takes away. My aunt is with Him now and for that I bless His name.

I can’t really follow that paragraph with much, so I’ll say adieu.
I shall be back, I promise.

LOVE!

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I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but one of the perks of my job is that, if I schedule myself just so, I can have a week off every three weeks. This has afforded me many mini-vacays to visit loved ones and relax and READ!
So here are a few books I’ve finished:

1. “Something Borrowed”

Technically this was a book on CD that mom and I listened to on the way to Colorado Springs. But that totes counts. It was entertaining but I felt SO conflicted! I could identify with the main character but couldn’t justify her actions. I still don’t know what to think. It’s a good fluff/vacation book.

2. “Something Blue”

SURPRISE! Ha, I had to know what happened after “Something Borrowed”. This was another good fluff book, and a bit less conflicting that SB. Very cute, definitely gave me an itch to move to London. Can’t wait for the movie!

The next 3 books mark my “depressing phase”. I knew going into it that they were about hard topics and therefore, would be depressing. What I didn’t know is that I’d have a 3-book stretch of downer books. But I made it through. Sometimes you have to face the hard things, no matter how unpalatable they may be. Life lesson concluded.

3. “Sarah’s Key”

Really good book, really sad plot. Definitely a different viewpoint than I’ve ever read before. I hadn’t realized all that went down in Paris during this unfortunate time. I’ve heard this will be coming out on film, I hope they do the book justice.

4. “Room”

Woof. That one word sums up this book. I was superbly creeped out. I think I have a hard time believing human nature can be SO awful, though I know it to be true. I loved discussing this with my aunt, who counsels school-age children and my cousin, who’s studying experimental psychology. A lot of good discussion came up and I’m better for it. This book haunts me.

5. “The Glass Castle”

This one was a teensy bit easier to read than “Room” but very frustrating as well. I really liked the ending though, so that made it worth it. Very well written. Heartbreaking. I don’t know that I would have been able to survive all that the main character went through.

6. “I Don’t Know How She Does It”

You may notice another theme here. A theme of books-soon-to-be-movies. Yes, I’m that person. I buy books off half.com as soon as I see an interesting movie (based on a book) preview. This book was good but stressful. It has a good heart though. Gave me insight into a working mom’s life. Moms are my heros! Looking forward to the movie.

7. “Committed”

“Committed” taught me a lot about marriage. It was difficult to distinguish truth from Gilbert’s bias but it was still interesting and worth reading. I’d definitely like to read more on the history and study of marriage in other cultures. Sparked my interest.

8. “Maria”

My mom got me a TON of Sound of Music stuff for Christmas last year after we saw The Von Trapp Children sing. This book was included and it was very fascinating. I love knowing what REALLY happened, and what was changed for the movie. I was also pleasantly surprised by Maria’s sharing of her spiritual life. She’s very endearing. I love the whole family and Sound of Music even more (if that’s possible)!

Whew. Sufficed to say I’m taking a break from the whole reading classics deal. My brain is thankful. I will get back to it shortly though. Maybe. I’m trying to keep up the voracious reading appetite as my schedule allows. I find it gives me lots to talk about.

Hope this was enlightening!

LOVE!

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As you’ve probably noticed (well if you were paying attention!), I’m highly prone to anxiety. I don’t feel that I am an anxious person, per se, but I will say I get easily overwhelmed. Even by zombies. Or especially by zombies. However you want to phrase that. I blame this on my first-born-ness. Because I’m the firstborn I need to ALWAYS be prepared, NEVER let anyone DOWN, KEEP IT TOGETHER LADY! Logically, I assume everyone would look to me to lead them through a zombie-laden post-apocalyptic world. I’m not being flip about the apocalypse/zombie thing either, I was TRULY afraid. But I also realize people have true anxiety over real-life issues, like whether a tornado will hit their town next time or if they’ll be able to pay all the bills this month.

I’ve somewhat successfully avoided a complete and total breakdown due to anxiety. I’ve not been majorly debilitated by worrying. I’ve trudged through and I think most people don’t notice. I do let some in on the crazy that is my emotional well-being. Or not-so-well-being. My internet friend Kate mentioned reading Psalms 91 to help with anxiety, so I took her up on that. I’ve read it almost every day since she told me about it and OH MY LANDS how the anxiety has decreased. But then we had the whole zombie issue and I went into a whole ‘nother tizzy. Someone somewhere (facebook or twitter) mentioned Psalms 37. BAM! Anxiety:0, Psalms:2

Here’s the thing, I’ve never used scripture like this before. I’ve read it, realized its application in my life and quoted it, referred to it, so on and so forth. When I applied it in the past, it was more of a generalized thing. It’s a bit hard to explain. I think I used the Bible to point me in the right direction. If I followed His Word, I’d be closer to Him. If I tried to be more like Jesus then I was being a good Christian. I used specific Scripture to help remind ME of what I needed to change. Feeling crazy stressed over that upcoming exam? “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”. I needed to be reminded that I can do it. But these Psalms, they tell me what HE is going to do for me, how HE will protect me from a bad end. I don’t know, something inside me changed with this realization. To read the words, “”If you’ll hold on to me for dear life,” says God, I’ll get you out of any trouble” (Psalms 91:14, The Message), has done more for me than any anti-anxiety medication ever could. I think I love this verse most of all because there are NO strings. It doesn’t matter if you got yourself into trouble or if you’re ALWAYS in trouble. He’ll help you out. And I know it’s true, because I’m always pulled out of the scrapes I get myself into.

This post may be crazy mixed up and helter-skelter, and if that’s true, I’m sorry. Sometimes it’s difficult for me to explain what He’s doing in my life. But I had to tell you just in case you are deathly afraid of zombies too. Read some Psalms, it does a body good!

LOVE!

PS Thanks Kate, you’ll never know how much that helped!

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(Just 2 days late!)
I was never afraid of zombies. Zombies are not real! I am afraid of legitimate things like the Blair Witch and fishzilla (look it up). I never gave more than a second’s thought to zombies; thought would enter the brain (ZOMBIES) and I would dismiss it immediately (PSHHHH).

UNTIL I saw “I Am Legend.” For some STRANGE reason, I thought the premise for this movie was a guy surviving in a post-apocalyptic world. That’s it. The end. IMAGINE MY SURPRISE (or full-on panic attack) when the ZOMBIES SHOWED UP. I sat between Alex and my cousin Ashley and did not let go of their hands for the entirety of the movie. I screamed, I cried, I jumped. I’m not really a horror fan. I can do an occasional thriller but it takes me about 6 months for my heart rate to slow and for my ulcer to heal. Not to mention my poor fingernails. I definitely revert to biting my nails when SCARED OUT OF MY EVER-LOVING MIND!

After the movie my brother teased and taunted me mercilessly. He’d making the creepy zombie sounds when I walked around a corner or jump out at me from under the covers (we shared a room in Florida when this took place). It was not a good time for my bladder.

The next time I was confronted with zombies was when Alex’s book suggestion for the year was “The Road”. Now before you’re all “THERE AREN’T ANY ZOMBIES IN THAT BOOK/MOVIE”, let me explain that in my inexperienced, zombie-ignorant mind is the following equation: post-apocalypse + mean people (who try to either eat you or turn you into their type) = zombies. I read the book. My insides turned. Then I rented the movie. OH MY HEAVENS PEOPLE! I went into planning mode. If there was going to be an apocalypse I was GOING to be ready by golly. First of all, I needed a cellar not visible from above ground, second of all I needed to buy, oh, roughly 500000000 cans of food. Just for starters. That was the beginning of my foolproof plan to outsmart the zombies after the end of the world.

Don’t you worry though, I got over my crippling zombie fear in no time flat. This week I was thinking about my brother, who turned 26 (oh my lands) on Monday. I was thinking, “what could I possibly say about him on my blog that I haven’t already said?” And the conclusion I came to is this: I now associate my brother with zombies.

Alex, if zombies come, you better have a shelter with 500000000 cans of food, among other things, because, as far as I’m concerned, you’re the one who’s responsible for their existence.

I love you. Don’t let any zombies get/eat me. I’d like to be in your shelter waiting out the crazies because I think you’re pretty great.

LOVE!

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EEK! 2 months since my last post is quite ghastly, no? It’s really frightening because I think I am doing what one would call normal life at this point. We all know I use the term normal loosely.
Let’s see, there have a been a few trips (I totally had to look at my calendar to remember when and where these trips were). Mom and I headed to Colorado Springs to see some dear ones. I do love Colorado in the spring! I had tea in a castle and cuddled with some precious little boys and ate chocolate croissants.
Next I was off to San Antonio to see another precious little boy and his parents. I drank my weight in Diet Coke, ate lots of mexican food, cuddled even more, and celebrated Randi’s first Mother’s Day. I was so honored to be there for her special day, I LOVE watching her be a mama to that beautiful baby boy! She is doing such an outstanding job, I hope to be half the mom she is! It was a wonderful trip (if you couldn’t tell by all the exclamation points!!!)!
Lastly I jetted to Washington, D.C. to see my love, C, graduate with her Masters. Have I mentioned C here before? Let me refresh your memory, she is my beautiful, BRILLIANT, hilarious partner in crime. She graduated from GEORGETOWN, GEORGETOWN PEOPLE! We had some crazy days with the fam but I really cherished my day alone with my girl. We walked Georgetown (the neighborhood not the university) and had a grand time of it.

The non-traveling part of my life has been pretty low-key. I am moving next week into an apartment with friends! Woo! Thankfully I’ll bee about 10 minutes from work so it’ll be a welcome change to not be driving two hours each workday and spending $200+ on gas each month. I’ve been trying to make some progress on planning me and C’s single-moon in October and I get so excited every time I think about it! Have I explained a “single-moon” here before? I decided I didn’t want to wait until my honeymoon to go on a lovely exotic vacation on the beach and so C and I are doing just that, only we are SINGLE! We’re going to St. Maarten for 10 days. YAY!! I also bought an iPad 2 and I’m in love. Sad, but true. I’ve been insatiable with reading lately.

That about sums up my normal life lately! I will try to post some pictures of the aforementioned adventures soon!

LOVE!

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Time for an update/non-serious post.
Things have been CUH-RAZY (sound it out) since I started working (9 months! I’ve been an RN for 9 months!). We’ll start at Christmas. Worked Christmas night, not a fan. Moving on. A certain BELOVED (and CRAZY) cousin got engaged Christmas night. I’m so beyond excited for my dear G! I love when people I love get engaged because I REALLY LOVE talking about weddings. It’s a sickness really. But I like to believe that it benefits my betrothed loved ones. WHO IS UP FOR A FAMILY WEDDING?!?! It’s gonna ROCK and I’m so excited!
Planned an impromptu trip to Sanibel with mom and C. W-O-N-D-E-R-F-U-L! SO glad I finally got to introduce C to Sanibel.

The world’s most precious baby was born January 14. I’ve fallen in love. Again. I know this sounds familiar because I fell in love June 28, 2008. Okay I’ve fallen in love a lot. I can’t help that my cousins insist on having adorable and precious children. And now my friends have started! What’s a girl to do? Visit her loves as often as possible? well OKAY! SO off I went to Amarillo at the beginning of February. Had so much fun with Tim, Randi and Robby.

this picture is so me that it’s almost frightening. I make faces and act a fool with babies. Dig it.

I mean, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE CUTE!!

THEN off to Dallas for a college friends’ reunion. No pictures from that, but BELIEVE YOU ME, it was a blast! My favorite thing was when we played a game Sunday night. It was one of those nights where you know that you had SO much fun because it’s just a certain special mix of people, of dear friends who can laugh at themselves and laugh at each other and who love each other. I will cherish that memory!

The beginning of March had me and mom taking Saucy Minx for her first road trip (1.5 hours away) to Columbia to see “A Chorus Line”. I also finally got to see where each of my parents went to school. I understand SO much more about my parents and their college friends now.
Newsflash: you ARE allowed to drink in the auditorium where shows are BUT you must drink out of an “adult sippy cup”.
Here I am modeling mine:

This past week I drove down to Arkansas to see my lil love and his mom again. I just love spending time with Randi-poo and Robby!

I also went up to Siloam Springs to check out my alma mater and see my salon girls and snuck a visit to some other college friends and their precious little boy.

Needless to say, the past few months have been full of dear, sweet friends, new life and lots of love. I am blessed beyond belief and am every day thankful.
LOVE!

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*I wrote this on March 12, but had to tweak it.
Most of the time, I feel closest to God in my car. This was true when I was still driving good ole Huey (my Sable) and is still true in the new Highlander (aka “Sauncy Minx”). It may be because I spend a lot of time in my car, or I’m usually alone in my car or because I have to be still in the car. It’s most likely a combination of all three.
On the way to work I usually get this overwhelming feeling that everything is going to be okay, this peace that He’s got it under control. Growing up in a Christian home meant I heard about “peace that surpasses understanding” and I prayed for peace but, as with many biblical themes and ideas, I didn’t truly grasp it until I really started pursuing my own relationship with Jesus. I would say my relationship with the Lord always felt like a family activity rather than a private one when I was young. I usually only ever prayed with my family and so the two were forever linked. When I got to high school and started attending youth group, well my relationship got a lot more personal and individualized and it has continued to be that way. As I have grown into an adult (gasp!), well, I feel like I finally GET IT. That peace I always heard about, well now I’ve FELT it and it’s amazing. When you’re dealing with anxiety and worrying about the future, the best thing in the world is to be hit with His peace, to hear Him say, “stop worrying, I’m taking care of it.” It’s all-encompassing and it’s lovely and I never want to leave it or have it leave me.
The drive home is usually filled with gratefulness and gratitude. I’m usually tired and ready for bed but wanting to give the Lord the first of my day, so I’ll turn on K-LOVE or play some worship and I will end up crying because I’m so blessed. I’m blessed to even have a chance to KNOW Him, to worship Him, never mind the many material blessings and relationships I have. It’s usually a burst of crying, a manifestation of a feeling so overwhelming that it can’t be suppressed. My most emotional times involved Him and I truly believe He is praised through my fumbling, messy sobs. I know He loves to take my anxiety away and give me peace. I know He loves me despite the messes I make, the ugliness I show through my words or behavior. It’s not even that He loves me when He sees me at my worst, it’s that He sees those dark, unmentionable places and thoughts and says “I still want you, I love you, you’re beautiful.” That is the theme that gets me every time. He thinks I’m beautiful when I know I can be so ugly, so mean, so un-loving. But this isn’t about me, it’s about Him.

I’ve been thinking about Japan a lot, in my car, as you would guess. And this is what I know: He will be praised through this and He can and will give peace to His people, because He loves them and He is good. He is bigger than any earthquake, tsunami or radioactive meltdown. He covers everything with love and He can fill all the hurt with Himself.
Praying for Japan and its people, may you have peace that surpasses understanding, for He will make beauty from ashes.

LOVE!

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While I’ve always been the typical firstborn, I’ve not always been worrier. I remember the occasional spell of worrying when I was young and knew I did something that was wrong and no one knew yet. It seems like when I got to college, the anxiety really started hitting hard, and it hasn’t really let up since. It’s by NO means debilitating. Merely irritating really. ESPECIALLY when I can’t sleep, ugh that’s the WORST! The funny thing is that with each season of life, I think that surely the NEXT season will be easier, I’ll have more time and, therefore, less to worry about. HA!
With this new year I felt like I needed to make at least one change and invest my whole life into it. I decided to try my best to stop worrying, to stop being anxious, to TRUST in the Lord and His plan. I’ve realized is this is an everyday job. I’ve been memorizing scripture and consciously trying to calm myself down.

There has been one area at work that has caused me a lot of anxiety; the schedule. We self-schedule, which sounds perfect, right? HA! I have NO idea how to schedule myself or what I want my schedule to be, so I’ll plan everything out and think it’s okay and then BAM! not okay because I decide I need to go snuggle the world’s most precious little boy or have a mini-vacay in Sanibel. This means rearranging, asking people to trade shifts or asking float nurses to cover you. There was ONE shift in particular that I desperately needed covered next weekend. Every time I thought about it or got a “no” when asking for coverage, I felt the Lord gently reminding me that I’m supposed to be working on my worrying! REMEMBER your scripture MANDY! So for the past 5 weeks I’ve relentlessly asking people to help me or vocalized my concern to my coworkers. Last week I finally decided the Lord must have another plan, He must have meant for it to work another way. As I write this, all I can think about is Abraham. He too thought he’d help the Lord with His plan. Remember the whole servant girl and Ishmael deal? I really had thought the Lord would give me someone to cover my shift, I felt like He was telling me to relax and trust Him. But one week beforehand with no one available I thought, “well, I guess I wasn’t really hearing Him, I’ll have to figure something else out.”

Wednesday morning I get WONDERFUL news! My cousin is back safely in the US after serving his third tour overseas. So I speak praise and give thanks for the Lord’s faithfulness. I was so grateful. Wednesday night I go into work and it’s quiet and a good night and my coworker calls to tell me she was mistaken and she can work my shift next weekend for me. Who does that? Who is at home, finds that they were mistaken and are available the day I was asking about and then CALLS me to tell me and have it changed on the schedule? I’ll tell you who. A wonderful, kind nurse who loves the Lord! How ’bout that!?! I spoke words about the Lord’s faithfulness and He then blessed me tenfold.
I got it Lord. This is me, a little less anxious than I was yesterday.

LOVE!

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I should be asleep! I worked 7 out of the last 8 nights and now find myself desperately trying to stay awake so I can sleep at night…like a normal person! Tomorrow I am off to a much-needed mini-vacation in the sun with my dear Cecilia. Oh how I do hope time will move ever-so-slowly for the next few days.
Since I’ve been shockingly absent from my blog (I noticed when I was going through the last few months and there were NO posts for August, September, October OR November, oh my), I thought I’d let you in on what’s going on. I’ll be as brief as I can (and there are PICTURES!). I just had to scroll back in my calendar on my phone to remember what I did in these months, oh my am I OLD!

August:
Still orienting at work/learning the ropes as it’s my second month. When I am not working at the hospital, I am sitting for my cousin Annie and her most adorable kiddos. I don’t believe I have any pictures from this month, BUT a ton of us were at the Lake in July and you better believe I have pictures from that!

most of the cousins on the deck at the Lake

September:
Work and work. Starting the night shift at the end of the month, as well as turned 27 years old. Oh my. Also did the PKD Walk! Very successful and fun, it went so well!

My precious cousin Ethan

And his sister Ella

October:
Flew to DC TWICE, first to be C’s date to a wedding and second to have some fun! I have finished orienting at work and am adjusting to night shift. Experiencing a few minor health problems (more to come). Also drive to NWA for JBU’s Homecoming and see some precious friends! Took my little loves (cousins) to Red Barn Farm to pick pumpkins, pet animals and go on a hayride!

C and me waiting for the ceremony to begin. Beautiful! You know I boo-hooed through the whole thing! They don’t call me the “crying bridesmaid” for nothing!

Ella, Ethan and me at the Red Barn Farm

November:
More work and then off to Colorado Springs for Thanksgiving with my dad’s side of the family! Oh my! This trip did my heart good and it was far too short. I cannot even tell you what a delight it was to be around these people. They are the funniest group and I tried to soak up every delicious giggle and laugh (and there were MANY!). I was finally successfully diagnosed with gastritis and a possible ulcer and started to feel MUCH better. Lots of pictures here!

The whole family. Precious

I finally can reveal what we’ve been up to! The weekend of my graduation I set up a photo shoot with a professional photographer so we could give my Oma a picture of her 3 grandkids and grand-daughter-in-law (woo that’s long). Here it is:

And here is Oma with it!

And here is my favorite photo from the batch:

December:
I bought a car (eeeek!) I’ve been researching and looking at Toyota Highlanders for a while now and had decided I would buy one when my ole Sable bit the dust. However, Toyota offered up their 0% APR and I went to merely look at cars and I ended up leaving with a new one! I LOVE IT! God has blessed me beyond belief and I am so grateful to Him. I feel so much safer driving to work now, especially with all these winter storms we’ve had. Don’t have any pictures from Christmas uploaded yet but I’ll work on it! I worked Christmas night and I must say, I was not a fan.

I BOUGHT A CAR?!?!

So that sums up the last couple months. I will write more about work and life later!

LOVE!

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One of my favorite (new) traditions is that at the end of every year my brother and I make one book suggestion to each other from the books we’ve read in the past 12 months. Usually we give each other the said book and more than likely there is a spiel/promo we give one another regarding the book (or warning). We both LOVE to read but a few years ago we were recommending a lot of books to each other and neither of us were taking up the suggestions. We have somewhat different taste when it comes to literature, so it’s perfectly sensible to each read just one chosen book of the other’s choosing every year and read what we want during the rest of the year. I find that A ALWAYS suggests something I would probably not have picked up otherwise and it’s never fails to be beautifully written. I’ve pegged him as a sad story kind of guy (we’ll see if he claims that here) so I know that the book he suggests will probably not end well (nor will any movie he likes, don’t EVER ask him what he thought of a movie you want to see. If he loves it, someone died or got dumped. If he hates it, it ended happily). I would say I recommend books based on how they made me feel. I try not to give him anything poorly written, but that’s not too hard because we usually don’t exchange fluffy books (summer novels). *I wonder if this is a reflection on our genders? I bet so. The psychology behind our choices will have to wait.* Most of the books have been classics or will be classics and are also works of fiction. I LOVE IT. It pushes me out of my comfort-reading-zone and gives me a glimpse inside my brother’s head. And doing something special with someone always makes you feel closer to them, so I’ve got that too. I sincerely hope we keep this tradition for as long as we can.
In the spirit of reading, I thought I’d tell you my top FIVE FAVORITE books of all time (except the Bible, it’s always number 1). I know you’re excited, but just hold on!

1. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

You totally didn’t see that coming did you? So I may have mentioned it here once or twice. ha. I think what I love most is that Austen writes for women SO well. Or at least for this woman. She knows what we long for and what we despise and taps that to weave wonderfully written stories that thrill me beyond belief. I think one of my favorite themes is of people finding love after losing hope. I certainly believe that is a desire placed in our hearts by the Lord!! He is our hope!

2. The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgon Burnett

This is a book I can see myself reading to my children over and over. I love the mystery and discovery in this book. I never really understood why mystery and secret places are such a delight until our pastor recently started preaching about mystery. Now I know that mystery is also a theme of God’s.

3. Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers

OH.MY.WORD people. oh my word. I can’t even start on this one. It’s so amazing. It’s based on the book of Hosea in the Bible and it honestly taught me more about God’s love than most anything else. Hosea uses the love of a man for a prostitute as a metaphor for God’s love for the nation of Israel. This book puts it in layman’s terms, if you will. Oh HOW HE LOVES US! Read this and be blessed!

4. Three Weeks With My Brother by Nicholas Sparks and Micah Sparks

Now before you roll your eyes (YES I MEAN YOU), hear me out. Clearly Nicholas Sparks has a way with words, just ask most women. I will admit that he has brought me to tears more times than I care to mention, BUT this book is nonfiction. It’s a story about his trip around the world with his brother (A, you up for that?) and woven into that story is the one of his family. It’s amazing.

5. Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy

Okay this book is long, and it can SEEM long but the end is SO worth reading! I have never felt such joy by way of a book before. This book made me fall in love with Tolstoy and that led to Dostoevsky and it’s been a slippery slope. But well worth it. I love those Russian authors!

Ok, this turned into a long post. My apologies. Maybe it makes up for the lack of posts in the last 6 months. Maybe someday I’ll even tell yall what I’ve been up to besides reading and not blogging.
Now I want you all to read these 5 books before my next post and tell me what you think, kay? HA!
LOVE!

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